


Golden/Blue [1]: Dance of Truth

by RainbowSheltie



Series: Golden/Blue [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Better Than I Know Myself - Adam Lambert (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, BDSM Scene, Drama, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Romance, Safeword Use, Safewords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowSheltie/pseuds/RainbowSheltie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dark Adam's birthday doesn't mark the happiest of occasions; a soul born and bathed in violence and cruelty isn't something to celebrate. But Light Adam is determined to prove that this day can be what they make of it. So he's devised a three step process to help plan the perfect day: schedule in Dark Adam's favorite activities (shopping), find a restaurant for lunch/dinner, and present the perfect gift.</p>
<p>The first half of the gift consists of checking out the blue light special on rings at aisle 10 of the local retail store. Because there is no such thing as having too many accessories. </p>
<p>However, the piece de resistance is the surprise BDSM scene he has planned. Dark Adam is a professional Dominant, but the one thing Light Adam has never been able to give him is submission. Adam has never placed himself in that position before, but he's determined to give Dark Adam what he wants, even if he has to force himself to do it. Hint: Dark Adam does not approve</p>
<p>Clandestine truths, a Dominant who safewords to stop a scene, and a forgotten birthday cake all lie within.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birthday Gifts

**Author's Note:**

> **BETA** : TheSupernova
> 
> **SERIES** :  
> Golden/Blue [0]: The Shattering of Blue Eyes  
> Golden/Blue [1]: Dance of Truth
> 
> **PORN** : I have cut out the porn section of the story and tagged it the **[Missing Bathroom Porn Sequence]** and is now part of the **[Porn Edition]** series because it has kinks not everyone is comfortable with. Includes: Breast/Chest kink, Male Lactation and Resizable Breasts. I am really not kidding about that last one. I think it's kinda hot though, so. There you have it.  
>  **EDIT** : **N** ot **Y** et **P** osted
> 
> +++
> 
> **INFO** : Please take note that I assume the reader is familiar with the basics of BDSM and the terminology involved, including what a "scene" actually is. As a courtesy for those unfamiliar or want a refresher on the basics I have added a section in the end notes for those who are interested. 
> 
> I don't explain the basics of BDSM within because it would be really boring, read like a text book and interrupt the flow of the story.
> 
> **WARNING** : In this story, only a partial BDSM scene takes place. 
> 
> Light Adam decides to force himself to be submissive in a scene, with an experienced hardcore Dominant (Dark Adam) known for a play style which often includes extreme and unrestrained violence. When Light Adam is the direct recipient, all of these things are triggers that make the play unsafe and place him in a very dangerous situation - both mentally and physically. 
> 
> Let me remind you that it is NOT okay to force yourself - or have anyone force or coerce you - into doing something you don't want to do. While Light Adam is familiar with the rules and etiquette of safe play, he makes a very poor decision here.
> 
> Dark Adam does NOT approve of this behavior and nor should anyone else. Although I don't  
> mention it in detail, Light Adam will later be reminded of the safe behavior and etiquette involved in scening (public or private) and will not be allowed to play (or scene) if it involves unsafe behavior. There are safety measures set up for a reason.
> 
> +++
> 
> **Other Notes** : I add these notes because certain other BOOKS *cough*50 Shades of Grey*cough* are NOT to be taken seriously, either as "appropriate" or "safe" behaviors and do not use them as a "guide" to BDSM play.
> 
> If my stories involve unsafe behaviors in regards to BSDM play or involve a BDSM scene of some type (either consensual or non-consensual) I will add basic information and safety warnings every time. It is better to be safe than sorry, both for myself and my readers.
> 
> +++
> 
> **PROMPT** : Attention shoppers! There is a blue light special on wedding rings at isle 10!

_Life is glowing inside you and me_  
_Won't you come out and dance with me_  
_Come see, with me, come see_  
_The golden dance life could be_

_The Finer Things by Steve Winwood_

* * *

Adam was ecstatic. Completely, utterly ecstatic, because the wedding rings were on sale and his darker persona's birthday was coming up. His golden-eyed lover wasn't making a big deal out of it but someone had to. Lucky for them it just so happened to land about a week after Valentine's Day, which meant there were discount sales on chocolates, flowers, knick-knacks and other fluffy stuff . None of which his lover would be interested in, but the cake and cupcake baking mixes were the highlights of that particular sale.

Now it should be known that neither of them could bake, but if Adam was going to at least  _try_ then his best bet would be pre-mixed baking boxes (because baking from scratch would almost guarantee lots of charcoal cakes and cupcake smoke stacks). Besides, if the baking box experiment failed - as it probably would - and if he  _hadn't_  burnt down the kitchen in the process then he could always go the local bakery to pick up a dessert cake instead. Of course if he  _managed_ to burn down the kitchen, then whatever plans Adam had for the rest of the day would probably be spent at the hardware store looking for a new kitchen, which would actually be a thoughtful and very practical gift, if it came down to it (despite him being the one to have destroyed it in the first place).

Eight boxes of cake mix, three cupcake mixes, four pie recipes and six hours later, and the kitchen had finally aired out enough to stop smelling like the giant burnt smoke cloud that had once paraded itself around the room.

The whole reason the kitchen ended up with black clouds and blaring with smoke alarms was because his final baking attempt ended with a pie that actually managed to  _explode_  in the oven (with a noise that sounded eerily similar to a cannon blast). By the time the oven had cooled off, the big black cloud emanating from it had managed to leave the oven in favor of hovering itself near the ceiling, although the burnt remnants in the oven were still creating small smoke stacks of their own (which had taken Adam almost three hours to scrape off the walls and the oven wire racks).

Adam wasn't all that upset over having to order from the bakery, but he was proud of himself for at least trying to home bake the dessert (even though he doubted from the beginning that it would work at all). Whatever possessed him to do it, never let it be said that Adam didn't learn from his mistakes: never bake again.

Once the trip to the bakery had been settled he could now concentrate on spending thousands of dollars buying a new, expensive ring and personalizing it with a custom engraving.

Despite the fact that it was labeled as a wedding ring, there wasn't that much of a difference between a wedding ring and a non-wedding ring. Both could come in various shapes, sizes, details, gems, and designs so it goes to say that the ‘wedding’ part of the label was nothing but a cultural designation to normalize what a wedding ring could and could not look like. Everyone likes to categorize things just to make people feel like they need to look and do things certain ways in order to fit in (which was just a total, ugly lie).

Unlike normal rings (which you could wear on any finger or toe) a wedding ring is expected to be worn solely on the designated ‘ring finger’ unless you wanted people to automatically assume you were not in fact married. It should be noted here that assumptions are quite possibly one of the greatest downfalls of man, so  _assuming_  you were not married because of a nonexistent ring on the designated finger was not only rude, but ignorant as well.

This is all beside the point because a ring is really just a piece of jewelry and whether it carries meaning or not is up to the individual and  _not_  what the mass media deems acceptable or uncouth. So screw the labels because Adam was buying a ring and fuck anyone who automatically thought he was using it to get married.

The important part here were the  _rings_  on sale and it didn't really matter why he was buying it because they were on a  _blue light special_  which just screamed "blue eyes needs to buy a ring". The ring itself didn't have to be blue but the ‘blue light’ part of the sale felt like a good omen (because he had blue eyes and the sale was also ‘blue’ in color) and if he didn't have to spend thousands of dollars (more than he had planned to spend) all in one pop, the better. Blue was a very lucky color as far as Adam was concerned.

Once he got to the store, Adam rushed to aisle 10 and was met with two entire rows of wedding rings. They sat inside glass casings, located (interestingly enough) in the  _middle_  of the shelving units on either side of him, with open shelves above and below them. While the open shelves held jewelry of varying types and qualities, only the cases held the expensive, high(er) quality items. Rings mostly, although a few pendants, earrings and necklaces were scattered between. This was an extremely odd setup, and one he had never seen before (but also really cool).

At the end of the aisle sat the only glass counter. On top was a cash register, alongside two rotating cases: one for earrings and another for necklace chains. These particular casings looked like they held the highest quality pieces, if the exaggerated price tags were anything to go by. The female employee behind the counter sat reading a magazine, chewing her gum and popping bubbles every few seconds.

It was a calm, relaxed atmosphere despite it all which helped to sooth his jittery nerves because  _he was picking out a wedding ring_. Birthday gift. Whatever.

Even if he were to propose, it would probably be illegal because they were technically recognized as identical twins under the law, forbidden to marry. It's important to note that they weren't actually twins, siblings, brothers or familial blood relations. The closest label they would fall under would be identical twins, but the label was actually a misnomer.

Scientists have proven that identical twins (contrary to popular belief) are not 100% genetically identical. There will always be differences, no matter how minute in their genetic makeup along the way. Adam and his darker counterpart were literally  _carbon copies_  of each other down to the very base genetic level - their bodies had to be  _exact_  duplicates if their souls were to inhabit both bodies. 

It was weird to think about but they were the same person regardless of what people thought, otherwise they could never replace each other on stage the way they do; could never sing the same songs and have people wonder which one of them was performing. Adam knew damn well that his voice, his  _stage presence_ , energy and passion could not be matched by anyone, no matter how identical unless they were the  _same_  man.

Marriage or not, it didn't matter because they had already been promised to each other, and this ring would symbolize that promise. It would serve as a reminder that they'd have each other until the end, until their bodies return to the Earth and their souls dance together as stardust, with a freedom unknown to man.

* * *

On the day of their birth only Adam's body had been inhabited by a soul, the darker persona still merged with his own (one soul). One of them born with blue eyes, the other a swirling blue with gold flecks. It was this duality of blue and gold that signaled the imperfect control his darker persona had over the body. The amount of control oscillated over time, which is why those eyes sometimes looked  _empty_  and other times full of life. Until the day his darker persona came  _online_  and those blue and gold flecked eyes turned a consummate gold color (perfect control). His own body.

Adam sacrificed himself; let his soul be  _torn in half_  and  _ripped_ from his body, in order to set his darker persona free and give him unlimited access to the body. This was the day they celebrated the  _true_  birth of golden eyes. The dark (violent, heartless, cold) and the light (love, empathy, forgiveness). The light became the heart, and the dark a mirror image of the monsters surrounding them; this persona had to embrace what it meant to  _be_  a monster, because in order to defeat one, you must yourself,  _become_  one.

That this man wasn’t able to fully comprehend how to love is partly the reason he didn't often do romantic gestures or the akin holidays. It wasn't so much that he was ignoring them as it wasn't in his  _nature_  to think about those things. He was already so focused on loving and protecting Adam, the light (their heart) that he treated every moment as if it were their last, so having to make a  _bigger_  deal out of it made little sense to him.

Which (in a weird way) made complete sense and Adam thought it was all very romantic, being the constant focus of his lover's attention.

* * *

Adam had the perfect plan for his lover's birthday: a trip to the local BDSM store, a walk around the fashion and jewelry districts, a visit to the local garden (if they had time), an expensive restaurant they had yet to try (dinner reservations required months in advance), and finally topping off the night with a scene at their favorite BDSM and sex club.

While Adam kept most of his plans a secret, he talked openly about wanting to engage in a light BDSM scene after dinner. Adam held back on the specifics over what he wanted to do, but his lover said he wouldn't mind being surprised (Adam just hoped  _this_  particular surprise would be a welcome one).

If this was to be the  _perfect birthday_  then it had to include satisfying the darker persona's eternal hunger for power and control, a need currently fulfilled by his position as a professional, hardcore Dominant. As a professional, he was known for being one of the foremost Dominants in the country, a status which he had been cultivating since he was eighteen and just starting out. Today, the list of submissives begging to play with him was miles long (pun intended).

This whole thing served two purposes: for the pure, unadulterated enjoyment in being able to release his inner demon and - most importantly - essential in helping focus and temper that excess volatile energy and anger relentlessly coursing throughout his body.

Adam knew the most effective method to help constrain his lover's violent impulses was by staying close, letting his darker persona's soul reunite with its heart and the light. Even so, it wouldn't be enough. If the darkness didn't have another form of release, Adam would eventually lose control and woe betide the world around them, for  _that_  was the true danger to Adam's safety. 

Dominance, when paired with the meditation and martial arts forms he practiced every day, neutralized many of the negative side effects suffered when he had turned into such a malicious, heartless creature (the monster).

Adam felt guilty for not being mentally capable of becoming the submissive his lover needed. For all that they loved each other, Adam had always wondered what it would be like to be  _everything_  his darker persona could ever expect of him, wrapped neatly into one package. But wishes were a fantasy of whims. If you want something to happen badly enough, you had to  _make it happen_ ; take control of your life and  _do_  something with it. Being able to take action, being able to take chances and make mistakes, was key to everything.

Still, he wasn't exactly happy about the idea of forcing his body to sexually submit to the mercy of a man who believed they  _owned_  him and talked as if he were nothing more than a play toy. What Adam wanted didn't matter, and that was something he couldn't understand; why do something as cruel as this to another? Yet they obviously derived some sort of pleasure from it, from the power over destroying something so beautiful and warm.

However he was  _supposed_  to be ring shopping and dwelling over possibly horrifying and traumatic BDSM scenes was  _not_  going to help him in any respect.

* * *

So, the birthday ring. The first sections encased the feminine rings but the latter halves were a mix of unisex and masculine rings, which was more their collective style.

For all that they shared the same soul; this connection didn't mean they were telepathic (which would come in handy when picking out birthday gifts). For all their universal similarities (voice, vocal techniques, habits, body language, facial expressions, etc.) fashion had never been one of them.

Clothing, boots, accessories, makeup; as their personas suggested, his darker persona liked basing his style on leather, rock and roll with a bit of glam and punk rock thrown in for good measure. Adam found himself the exact opposite: his style was a mixture of comfort, modern, and contemporary fashions - with a hint of leather thrown in. It was soft, gentle and warm; everything that the light personified (with some dark, rock and roll accessorizing, of course).

The main problem with changing out your look, keeping it fresh - personal style mixed in with the current fashion trends—as the internal need to wear something new and different every time you walked out the door. They thrived off of creating new looks, various styles and combinations so consistently wearing the same ring over and over again, in the same position, became extremely limiting. It wasn't a requirement that a ring be worn though and could just as well be carried around or tucked away so it wouldn't get tarnished or scratched. So,  _problem solved_. Simple. It didn't need wearing, but could still be cherished.

Adam browsed the rings inside the glass cases, looking for the perfect one. The ring should be black and silver in color; admittedly, not a very popular combination, but that would make it easier to pick out amidst the sea of silver and gold. Between browsing the rings in the display cases and the catalog only one ring fit the requirements: a simple band with angled stripes, alternating silver and black. Adam was going to personalize the ring by having the words "Starlight, Stardust" engraved inside and if he was right, it would be something only his lover would understand.

One thing that had to be said is that after a few albums, merchandising, world tours, becoming lead singer for Queen, TV appearances and everything else, jewelry that held a four or five digit price tag wasn't actually all that expensive anymore. This also presented a problem because after a while, it became hard to accurately gauge the true value because he usually ended up buying the things he liked, price comparison be damned. Given, a lot of the pieces he bought were also one-offs, limited edition or custom ordered which didn't help matters, because there wasn't much price leeway in those areas.

Also, never trust a sales associate to tell the truth - especially one working on  _commission_ \- because most of them were lying little liars who would say anything to sell you the most expensive product in their collection at often grossly inflated prices. Adam had no idea what this ring was worth, but it look like it was one of the higher quality pieces. Still, even though the price tag was steep (even at 50% off) it was still  _the_   _perfect ring_  and that was really all that mattered.

* * *

The birthday of golden eyes arrived the next morning. Adam woke up a little before five am to pick up his order from the bakery, which opened at six am. As a twenty-five minute drive, he usually wouldn't be leaving this early, but he would also be dead center inside rush hour traffic, and take into account that their house was a few minutes away from downtown, Adam was willing to bet it would take at least an hour to get there (and about thirty minutes just to pick up the cake, because the bakery was always  _packed_  in the mornings).

It wasn't necessary for him to have left around five, because he could have gotten up around nine and taken half as long round trip (and in the bakery), but a nightmare had left him unable to sleep, and he didn't want to wake up his lover so early (especially not today). Adam already felt restless, and his obsession with making sure everything went according to plan was beginning to take over his mind.

Breakfast in bed was a very romantic notion to him, which was perfect because his cooking abilities were restricted to omelets (and toast). He could make a mean omelet. Omelets, juice or milk, toast and some fruit for breakfast.

It was about quarter to eight by the time he finally returned home, and just in time for breakfast albeit slightly later then he had planned. It didn't sound like his darker counterpart was awake quiet yet, so he hid the cake in the back of the fridge with a note saying  **DO NOT OPEN!**

Adam listed off the ingredients for the omelets as he looked around the fridge for the eggs: eggs, milk, olive oil, green pepper, mushrooms, sausage, onion, seasoning salt... he was interrupted from finishing his list  by a delicate ambush from behind.

"Fuck. Don't leave without waking me, little one." A strong pair of arms pulled Adam's body from the fridge, wrapping around his stomach. He let himself relax against his lover's naked, sweaty chest. "Don't you ever do that to me again, okay? In my nightmares, I saw you being dragged away from me, calling my name, over and over again and when I woke up I thought you had been taken from me and I looked everywhere and I kept thinking, "Where is that fucking basement?" Our house doesn't have one and I just... please, I need to know you're safe. That they didn't..."

Adam's body was pushed gently towards the fridge, slow enough that he had time to raise his arms to stop himself from faceplanting on the surface. He startled when hands brushed over the raised, welted scars on his back, scattered only centimeters apart. It was nothing more than a garbage mound of scars. His lover was searching for fresh, open wounds amidst the mess but it wasn't until Adam felt hands beginning to make their way towards his ass, fingers prying his cheeks apart to feel his hole and slowly gravitating towards his cock, that Adam's brain finally sparked to life.

His lover was frantic with worry and the amount of distress this man was displaying meant his mind was still stuck in the past.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Adam held himself still, while the rest of body was checked over for signs of injury and abuse. "I'm safe now. You've been protecting me all these years, remember? Those men can't hurt me now. They're gone, all of them are gone."

It took a while before Adam felt his lover calm down, and even after Adam's body had been thoroughly examined, there was a strong delay in separating the past from the present. Adam hadn't seen a nightmare this severe in years, where the past and the present are one and the same, and for such an extended period of time. How fitting that it should happen today, of all days. 

Adam heaved a sigh, turning around and dropping his head onto the shoulder cradled against him. "I didn't mean to start the day off like this. It's supposed to be perfect you know and now it’s like, I bring my—our—past back into-"

Lips silenced his own; soft and familiar, comforting in the face of his rising levels of anxiety.

He had been feeling flighty and restless all morning and it was an overwhelming sensation that he couldn't stop. His breath was coming in quicker now, shallow and panicked. Adam's body was trembling, his eyes were watering and he wanted to  _scream_  in frustration because  _nothing was going right_  and it was all his fault. It was  _all his fault_  and fuck, so was everything else that happened today. The nightmares, and the pain.

Adam scrabbled quickly for purchase, desperately clinging to his lover's shoulders because he was starting to feel lightheaded and dizzy, and his knees were threatening to give out. If he wasn't the solution, then he was the source of the problem. He was scared because of the pain building up inside his brain, placing pressure against the insides of his skull; his past was trying to resurface, to claw its way back from the void, and it  _hurt_.

"This day fucks us both up a bit, doesn't it?" A sad smile crossed his lover's face as Adam was gently lowered to the ground. Adam kept a frantic hold on the solid body currently grounding him, afraid of what might happen if he let go, that the darkness inside his mind would overtake him. Only his darker persona kept the darkness at bay, odd as that sounds, and right now this man was the only thing keeping him sane.

"It'll be okay." A warm breath flittered across the skin of his ear; it had a serene, calming feel to it. Adam's body was cradled against the solid chest, strong arms wrapped around him once more. "Sleep now, my darling. Just for a bit and I'll take your pain away."

"Not too long, not today, please. We have plans and I..." Adam nuzzled his head along the length of the collar bone next to him. A cool shiver crossed his lover's body as Adam's hot breathe ghosted the dampened skin. "Only for a few minutes then, please. I want to make you breakfast."

"You're over focusing on plans you have no control over, and you need to relax. The day cannot be predicted and trying to do so will only end in pain." The reply was stern but delicate and graceful. "You know I love you. When everyone else has turned away, remember that I will choose you every time for you are more precious to me than were I to have the entire world in my palm."

"You say the sweetest things," Adam said, blinking slowly. The warmth his lover provided made him feel safe and protected. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"You remind me that I am not a monster," his lover said, voice fading. "You complete me in a way I have never known."

"Happy Birthday." Adam smirked.

A soft kiss hushed him before he could say anything else. "Now go to sleep, little one, and give in. Stop fighting me on this."

Adam gave one last cheeky grin and fell asleep to another soft press of lips against his own.


	2. The Laughing Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **BETA** : TheSupernova

If there was one thing that could distract either of them from the past, it was fashion (clothes, boots, shoes, jewelry, gloves and other various accessories), particularly the custom, one-of-a-kind (or limited run) with a perfectly tailored fit. While often highly expensive, the exceptional quality and look of the finished projects were beyond compare (which more than made up for the price tag).

Keep calm and shop on. Adam even had a poster in his closet with that motto (and a matching motto'd magnet for their fridge) so asking if they had a shopping obsession was like asking if Queen was a rock and roll legend. 

They dropped about four thousand dollars in just the first three hours of shopping, and it wasn't entirely Adam's fault (this time) because his lover seemed to have an eagle eye for clothes today, and kept making him try on things and then proceeding to buy them (if they fit) because they were _perfect_ (because he chose them). Not that Adam was complaining, mind (because he wasn't), but he also hadn't been able to get a word in edgewise. His lover was uncharacteristically on some hyped up sugar rush, which was _weird_ but also extremely cute.

This personality exchange happened when they fell in or out of _tune_ (or "sync") with each other; personas temporarily _merging_ together, balancing out the two extremes of light and dark. Sometimes they could overbalance their personalities, as his darker counterpart was doing right now.

Lunch was at the Le Petit Château d'Eau, a small French café. It held a friendly, warm atmosphere with humble French fair, with coffee and wine (served during meal times). There was also a small bakery extension next door, perfect for topping off your meal or for a small bite.

His lover finally sugar-dropped sometime after lunch, which was as much of a relief as it was amusing; Adam hadn't been able to keep up, which laughed some serious irony at him

As the day wore on, the impending five o'clock dinner reservations getting ever nearer, Adam was beginning to wonder if this whole thing was as planned and carefully thought out as he intended it to be. What made this date so different from any other?

Shopping was _always_ enjoyable; they would have fun no matter what the date, but that didn't mean his darker counterpart thought it was part of a carefully crafted birthday special. Adam attempted to cover most of their favorite shopping haunts, but maybe that garden park he had been looking at online would have been better. More romantic? He should have done more research, taken his lover to a vista or attraction they've never been to before.

The gift. Doubts layered his mind, screaming about a "promise" ring he doubted his lover would even wear with any particular regard, and was probably destined to end up lying amidst one of the many heaps of carefully sorted rings, its only saving grace being "the thought that counts". Maybe it would be a memorable trinket instead of fashion?

Nervous tension coursed throughout his body. Adam had been was uneasy about this whole day from the moment he woke up, and increasingly more skittish and _restless_ (or so he had been told). He wasn't normally so on _edge_ like this. Worried about what could (and had) and will go wrong, all the self-doubt and constant need for reassurance. It wasn't _him_. What if his moodiness, his worry and clinging need, aggravated the Dominant side of his lover? Was it only a matter of time before that temper and anger would be directed at him?

It was growing inside of him, _doubt_ and _anxiety_. Small, little things, all teeth and claws and darker than pitch; they were magnets to the light inside of him, with pitless stomachs and a gnawing, endless hunger. They circled his heart, licking stripes and salivating over the sides, small breaths puffing in time with each beat. _More_ , they said, _let us spit roast your flesh and eat your heart._

"Come on, little one," his boyfriend said, pulling him close and wrapping an arm around Adam's lower back, leading them to the front entrance of the restaurant. It was getting cool outside. "Tell me what's wrong? You know I worry about you."

Adam didn't answer immediately; had no idea what to say, the weight on his mind. He hesitated, started pulling away when he found a pair lips were pressed softly against his own, moving along his cheek and tickling his ear. "We'll be okay."

Adam nosed along the crock of his lover's neck, breathing in deeply, inhaling the scent that was so similar yet different from his own. Golden eyes were watching him carefully.

"I love you." Adam whispered gently, unsure of what else to say. Small paws _squeezed_ the inside of his throat, plugged his air valves shut until he lost the will to speak further. Silence stretch further between them.

His lover responded with a small shake of his head and grinned. "My soul, little one, I cannot live without you."

* * *

The staff was friendly, professional, with exceptionally adept waiters and hosts. Ever since coming in second place in Idol his anonymity, even undercover, was harder to keep under wraps in restaurants, clothing and tailors shops, all places where his "disguise" was more a hindrance, times where Adam just wanted to be _Adam_. Relaxing and enjoying his day, unbothered by who was watching as long as they minded their business.

Adam couldn't count the number of times he had been recognized, treated differently and fussed over. It didn't usually happen on the street, but in particular, it did happen more often than he would prefer when eating out. Wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses was typical, but wearing either in certain establishments felt wrong. Thus, his experience with various restaurant staff had been hit or miss once they recognized him. The one thing about serving celebrities and high profile clients, is that when professionalism was lost, the overly excited tended to misstep the orders or worse, become the type who kept chatting like they're your long lost best friend and staying at the table longer than is polite. Because no, Adam did not come to these places to talk to the staff.

But he had read impressive reviews over the quality of food and the polite, professional manner of the staff; he liked nothing more than places who treated every patron as an esteemed guest, no matter their social status and background. He knew of quite a few restaurants around this district where they snubbed his friends because they didn't look or sound like they belonged. Needless to say, he refused to go to those restaurants again.

* * *

It didn't take long to reach their table, immediately being served fresh bread with small side plates and glasses of water upon being seated. A few minutes after they ordered, Adam felt his nerves crawling all over him. This entire day had him twitchy. Despite being comforted by his lover, staying close and protected; it felt like his mind wasn't receiving that message.

The conversation stayed light over salad, but he was jittery and unable to relax completely. He shouldn't be so preoccupied over how perfect the day was going to be or not; the world didn't work how you wanted it to, and normally he and his lover were the type to roll with the punches, easily adjusting to life's circumstances. Turning the day and the moment, into something that worked.

And everything was going to shit, because he couldn't keep up with the changes today and his fears and anxiety were slowly trickling back in full force. Adam had felt the same way this morning, so wound-up that it almost drove him out of his mind.  

"Calm down, little one. You are my heart and I love you more than words can describe. Do not be afraid now." His lover's voice was edged with an icy indifference, but there was a unique warmth to it that had always been reserved for him.

Adam fingered the ring box in his pocket. The dinner entrees had just arrived and he had debated over whether to bring out the box now or during dessert, but he had _other_ things he wanted to talk about during dessert. And trying to seduce your way into someone's pants was much easier when you had a small bowl of ice cream or a frosted slice of cake and a spoon, because Adam _knew_ how to work his way around a spoon.

He took a deep breath and started, stopped, started again and decided to stall. Stalling was a cheap tactic that he'd never had to resort to before--not when it came being afraid; afraid of what might happen, of the future. But he was going to take full advantage of it right now just because he could. When the conversation turned casual again, Adam's breathing returned to normal.

The box ended up staying in his pocket until just after dinner, alongside a small but familiar growing ball of anxiety. So when dessert arrived, Adam decided to gradually ease his way into the gift giving by starting out with the Blue Light Special on Aisle 10.

"I wouldn't trust them," came the reply, along with a huff of laughter. "Not with jewelry anyways. Overpriced a bit, quality is pretty low though they try to advertise otherwise. Sometimes they surprise me with a few nice pieces. Hit or miss, I guess. Otherwise, they're great for cleaning supplies and other household items, and the home decorations are of surprisingly good quality."

The ring box in his hand drained of warmth, slowly turning to ice, a block so frigid that it burned his skin to touch it. Adam couldn't stop the cascading slide of emotions from overwhelming him, _breaking_ whatever little sanity thread kept him from falling apart. Fuck good omens. Blue was a terrible color. Cheap rings, ruined dinners, being laughed at--and the color blue could just _go to hell_.

His lover was right--he should have seen that store for what it really was, instead of letting his excitement take over. Adam placed the little black box on the table and the logo was unmistakable. He tried wiping his tears, but they just wouldn't stop.

Perhaps his darker counterpart had a point in not acknowledging his birthday.

Silence filled the air between them while the sound of dishes clanking and silverware scraping their plates filtered through his ears. The background conversations were becoming too loud, the low level atmospheric lighting too bright and when Adam looked down at the little box, it was staring back at him, taunting him and laughing. _You're a failure, Adam. Like a child, so stupid and naive._

"Damn box. Worthless." His voice was quiet and restrained. The box was laughing. "I can't even protect myself, or make my lover happy. We're broken. My past; forever, forgotten, just beneath the surface.

Adam could even hear small chucking from the ring inside the little, laughing box. What right did it have to mock him? To destroy everything beautiful? To crush his heart like this.

"Damn box!" He hissed loudly, squeezing the box in his fist.

Even the air held its breath in the silence, tension and anger coiling inside him, rounding upon itself until all Adam could see was a misty, grey haze covering his eyes. Sharp, little teeth began eating, nipping and nibbling on the small lining of his stomach, creating pinpricks along his gastrointestinal tract, and releasing small buds of air from his lungs through crescent shaped bites.

Adam's hand moved through the air before he realized what he was doing; the little piece of trash, _overpriced_ and overrated. He gasped as his lover's hand shot out, catching the box mid-air. _Fuck_. His lover deserved better then what he had on offer and this box is no longer worthy to be under the watchful scrutiny of those golden eyes.

"You deserve better than this," Adam whispered softly, pushing his empty dinner plate off to the side. "Better than what I can give you. Fragile and delicate, yet ugly on the inside. It's not worth your time."

"Look at me," his lover prompted. "Please?" 

Adam turned, surprised to find his lover on the ground next to him, sitting on his knees. Golden eyes were watching him carefully, one hand covering Adam's and the other stroking his thigh.

The little black gift was placed upon the table beside him, and all he wanted was to slap off, out of sight. It had become another symbol of weakness. The light was weak. Adam raised his hand, poised to get _rid of it_ but a firm grip held his wrist in place. He struggled, but it wouldn't let go; the grip firm until Adam's body became pliant, and the offending hand brought back down to his lap. The hand smoothed out to cover his, all encompassing and protective, _safe_. Adam felt thumbs work their way gently around the skin between his thumb and forefinger. He didn't deserve the right to be held with such care.

"I'm so worried about you right now." The voice was gentle. So low and soft. "What can I do? Tell me, please."

Adam shook his head; there was nothing this man could do for him. His mind was slowly fracturing under the stress, his heart being nibbled at by a small creature of darkness, sharp little teeth and furry paws; its sharp, pointed claws scratched up the inside of his body, turning it to mush. Adam slipped off the chair, his body captured and held tight as he was slowly lowered to the ground. He had never felt so lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le Petit Château d'Eau - I wanted the name of a french restaurant, so I googled it.  
> http://www.theguardian.com/travel/2011/may/06/top-10-cafes-paris


	3. Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **BETA** : TheSupernova

Adam's lover glided a hand up and down his flank, soothing. "Come with me, little one. Let me take you somewhere safer. More private."

He was guided towards the men’s restroom, led by a protective arm curled around his shoulders.

It held a large, carpeted foyer with a wide opened doorway to the toilets and urinals off to the right, along the far wall of the room. This room was elegantly decorated, plants and pictures hanging on beige colored walls; two large couches were surrounded on either side by a large pair of armchairs and an oval, glass-topped coffee table was placed in the center. Two small end tables sat beside the outer arms of the two couches. Magazines were scattered about the various surfaces of the room.

"Sit with me." 

His darker persona guided Adam towards the armchair, motioning for Adam to sit on his lap. Adam shrugged a smile, silent otherwise, as he sat down and snuggled his way comfortably against a hard, warm chest. The rhythmic beating and gentle fingers weaving their way through his hair. 

"I won't let the darkness take you, my pure heart; you're too good for the likes of what I see every day."

Adam nodded, and let his eyes fall closed; golden eyes flashed inside his mind and they began drawing him under. The dark spaces, the black creatures swimming and tainting his soul black, they embodied many things. If Adam didn't let his lover purify the light inside of him; the fear, self-hatred and doubt, they would consume him alive.

He was only unconscious for a few minutes, but the coursing emotions overwhelmed him as he awoke. The ring box was in his lap and Adam's instinct had him gripping the box with the urge to throw, to smash it against the wall. Lucky for both the ring and the tiny box, they had been quickly pried from his fingers.

Adam could still remember the feeling of his soul ripping in twine this day; the darker and lighter personas, two men fated for guardian and victim. Lover and soulmate; no longer human, living in-between because that's what happens when you only have half a soul. A feeling of being incomplete without the other.

The ring box was opened and Adam watched for a moment as the engraved ring was removed. His lover was looking at him expectantly.

Adam took the empty box, focusing his gaze on it as he flipped it open and shut repeatedly.

"Our broken path has led us here. I wanted to turn this day into something other than reminders of our past. For my part in tearing our soul in half, today of all days, I feel no more worth than that uselessly overpriced ring."

His dark persona lifted Adam's ring finger to his lips, placing a kiss upon it. "You make me feel truly alive, little one. I live for you. I'm a monster without your light."

"You are no monster," Adam replied instantly. "I see only my protector."

Golden eyes locked into his blue ones--one second, and two, three passed by until Adam's darker persona lowered his forehead to touch the back of Adam's hand. "In order to protect you, my soul was born without a heart. Your _soul_ carries my heart within it."

"I-" Adam was silence by a finger against his lips.

"If anyone is broken it is not you. You are strong to have survived what you did and stronger still to keep me in line, my anger, my temper. I have always been with you; from birth and now, unto death."

Adam's darker persona looked up at him and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, tilting it back gently. Lips met, soft and sweet and kind.

"The ring," Adam said, motioning towards the box. "It wasn't an obvious wedding ring. I like the black and silver stripes because they are elegant, yet simple and versatile; your darker fashion styles would benefit most. It's what I had in mind when I bought it."

His lover read the engraving. "Starlight, Stardust."

"It's what you used to say to me." Adam smiled. "’We'll all return to the stars someday,’ you said to me. ’The light and dark cannot exist without the other near, and each life spent will be shared with the half that makes me whole.’" I'll always remember it, in my heart."

A finger was placed under Adam's chin, lifting it until he was face to face with his lover once more. There was a pure sort of happiness reflecting in those golden eyes; unlike anything he had seen before.

"Those are the words I have always sung to you. And this ring," the ring was held up in the air between them, "holds more than you know. Whether it's a plastic ring you won from a carnival or the most expensive and coveted ring on Earth-- _this_ is the only one worth my time."

His lover placed the ring back in the box, and set it aside. "This day was perfect, little one"

"Well..." Adam smirked. "The day isn't over just yet."

* * *

**[Missing Bathroom Porn Sequence]  
** _*Dark/Light Adam have Sex in the Bathroom*_

_**EDIT** : **N** ot  **Y** et **P** osted_

* * *

Adam pulled his lover into the handicap stall; he closed the stall door behind him, and slammed the lock home.

"I've never been able to be what you need, not completely. You're always forced to hold your Dominant nature in check with me, be it when we're together in the bedroom or the club." 

Golden eyes watched him with confusion

He didn't know _exactly_ what kinds of things his lover looked for in his submissives, but they were often treated like toys; toys to be played with and _broken_. Adam repeated his newfound mantra: follow orders and be used like a toy. Follow orders and be used like a toy.

Another breath. He readied himself.

Adam made quick work of unzipping his darker persona's pants; it was flaccid but probably begging to fuck a hole--any hole--and right now, Adam's mouth was probably expected to be a cocksheath. Unfortunately, fellatio and deep throating were two of his triggers. This was one more reason Adam felt inadequate. Who wanted a lover who couldn't give head? He could do this though; this night was about what his darker persona wanted.

"Little one, I-"

"Just let me," Adam begged, his blue eyes pleading. "Please. Just wait, you'll see."

Adam received a hesitant nod, but took that as a cue to continue. He stepped out of his shoes and pants, taking a minute to place them off to the side and fold them neatly. Other submissives had done this for their Doms just before a scene, but he'd never had the inclination to do so.

He slowly sank to his knees, hands sliding down the sides of the man's chest, past his hips and thighs, and continued their path down onto the floor. Adam spread his thighs, opening himself up completely, presenting his cock for his _Master_ to do with as he wished. Adam was face to face with his _Master's_ cock.

It was easy, right? All he had to do was shove this thing down his throat (and try not to choke on it) or at least wrap his lips around it and suck it like a lollipop or an ice cream bar. One look at that flaccid cock, and the _thought_ of that _thing_ being inside his mouth made his stomach throw up a little in his throat; he could feel a subtle burn as he choked it  back down.

Don't get him wrong, he _loved_ cock. That was one of the reasons reason he was gay--a full fag, no question--but he loved it more when it was lodged firmly in his ass or dry humping his body. He even enjoyed it when his darker persona shot a loud of cum into his mouth, so long as the cock wasn't _in_ his mouth at the time.

Adam bit his lip until the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth, and chose to lower his head instead. He eyed that flaccid cock one more time but couldn't stop the welling of tears that pour from his eyes.

"Soulbound," his lover said. "I'm using my safeword. This scene stops right here, right now."

Which wasn't right, because Adam had never heard this particular Dominant use his safeword inside a scene before. Not one he could recall at the moment, anyway. His darker persona knelt before him, in the exact same position: knees open and cock hanging out. They were both prostrate now, on equal footing.

"Even the Dominant needs a way out sometimes. I'm not in the right headspace. I can't do this right now, and it needs to stop."

Adam's arms were guided towards the front of his body and his knees were closed.

"Stop." The voice was soft and gentle. His darker persona never treated his submissives so gently. What went wrong? Was it something he had done?

Adam's chin was lifted, a finger curled underneath; he saw only worry and distress behind those gold eyes.

"You are not meant for this, soft one, your body is to be treated with respect, love and kindness. You are precious, my darling, and I can't bear to see you hurt again."

His lover gently caressed his cheek and Adam leaned into it automatically.

"When you give your body over to me, you trust me to care for you and respect your limits and I expect the same from you. You have betrayed my trust and disrespected your own body in the process."

Adam was pulled into a hard, firm chest, his head placed over the steady rise and fall of his lover’s chest.

"Please don't leave me here," Adam sobbed, voice muffled from speaking through his lover's shirt. There were damp spots soak it through. "I thought you would like it because I can't give you anything else. I can't even taste your dick without wanting to vomit."

"Oh god, little one, is that what this is about?"

Adam's body was rocked back and forth, arms wrapping tightly around him. He could swear he heard his lover trying to hold back his own set of tears.

"My Dominant side is begging me to treat you as an equal and I love you all the more, for making me feel like that."

He was leaned back, ass landing back on the cold, tile flooring. Adam looked up into golden eyes that were barely holding back tears of their own.

"You're my heart." His lover held an unsteady hand over Adam's heart, it was shaking. "And I'm a heartless monster without you! I love you! Fuck. You make me feel _human_ and all I want is to be that caring, delicate lover that you are. In the bedroom, in life, in _love_. I can't love anyone but you so please, please don't take this away from me! Don't make me treat you like all the others!"

Tears were beginning to escape his lover's golden eyes. His counterpart leaned down to kiss his forehead, nose and lips.

"Don't turn me into those men who took advantage of a young boy. _I'm not like them_. And I will never do anything to hurt you, even if you asked it of me."

Adam leaned up and kissed his darker persona softly.

"Forgive me," Adam whispered. "How could I make you cry on your birthday? All because I fucked up and-"

He was shushed before he could finish his sentence.

"You are not worthless. And don't argue with me, I know you were thinking it." His lover’s voice was strong, and steady. "I absolutely loved our birthday celebration. The shopping, the food and the sex in the bathroom was _hot_."

Adam sensed a "but" coming.

"But." And Adam was proved right. "You're in trouble for the stunt you pulled just now and we'll deal with that later. Just promise me you'll never to do anything like this again?"

Adam nodded. "I promise."

A kiss was placed along Adam's forehead and cheek. "You're perfect for me, vanilla nature and..."

Adam pitched a small yelp as his breast was squeezed lightly through his shirt.

"Kinks and all," his lover finished.

* * *

They dressed quickly; they had spent enough time in the bathroom as was.

"Come on," Adam said, pulling at his lover's sleeve. "I want some dessert."

They finished off the night by sharing a slice of decadent chocolate cake with two scoops of ice cream. It was only when they had paid and were on their way out, when Adam realize he had left the cake in the fridge.

"We'll eat it tomorrow," his lover responded, wrapping an arm around Adam's lower back and steered them towards the valet parking lot. "Let's go home."

* * *

_This is a fine dance we have been taught, learning how to glide between the heavens and the earth. We do not belong here, but in the golden dance of life, I think it has given us a gift. Whether it shows pity or sorrow for our plight, whatever happens, we cannot turn back. What we have become has been written in the stars; from Starlight to Stardust, eternity cradles us all._

_From whence we came, to where we are, to what we will become. I look to the sky and I know our time draws near but until then I'm happy creating my own path in this world before I must start anew in the next. For the light and dark cannot exist without the other near, and each life spent will be shared with the half that makes me whole._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeatedly use the term "stardust" in this story. It references the fact that our planet and everything on it was created from "stardust" (debris/gasses with the help of a nearby sun going supernova) and when the world ends, eventually we'll return to the stars. It's all very romantic.

**Author's Note:**

>  **BDSM Terminology** :
> 
> **BDSM** : Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism and Masochism/Slave and Master.  
>  **Scene** (in a BDSM context): The place where some action or event occurs; in this case, the "scene" is where BDSM activity takes place. It is pre-negotiated, has a beginning and end and does not need to include intercourse. All scenes may include one or more of the following: vanilla play (little to no BDSM) and anywhere from light play to hardcore/heavy play.  
>  **Headspace** : An altered psychological state. The Dominant(s) or submissive(s) need to get into the correct "headspace" in order to "play" their role in the scene (similar to how an actor/actress needs to "get into character" before shooting a scene in a movie/TV show).  
>  **Aftercare** : BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness after the scene is over.
> 
> **Safewords** : A safeword is word or phrase that is used to end the play/scene. Every one of my characters has a safeword or if they are unable to speak (i.e. being gagged) they have non-verbal cues/actions (such as squeezing a ball, or making certain hand gestures) to stop the play/scene.
> 
> **Red/Yellow/Green** :  
> \- **Red** means Stop (an alternative often used in place of a safeword)  
>  \- **Yellow** is "Pause" (i.e. need a drink of water, a short break/breather before continuing or used to "check-in" - how are you doing/feeling, do you like this, should I move on to something else, etc.)  
>  \- **Green** means Go (continue the scene)


End file.
